THE MINISTRY OF TRUTH – Speed

A friend of mine has just completed her PHD in Art History.
Her subject was medicine in Art. One of the many books
she used in her research was a nasty little bestiary of
degenerate and diseased genitalia. Highly unpleasant.
I haven’t seen so many so many disgusting pricks since the
last advertising award festival I was dragged along to.
Then again, the penises illustrated where not to blame for
their predicament.
They got like that from having too close a contact with a
poxy twat.

Friends of Jeremy Clarkson, you have been warned.

Not that I dislike the smug, smart-arsed, right wing, gobshite.

Dislike isn’t the word.
I despise him.
Him and his ilk.
Those Destroying Angels of scarce world resources who seem
to believe that all the fossil fuels on the planet are theirs for
the squandering.

Clarkson, known as ‘Jezza’ to his knuckle dragging fans once
drove a Toyota Hilux pick-up truck into a tree in the car park
of St John the Baptist church in Churchill. The council had
thought the damage to the 30 year old horse chestnut was
down to vandals until a local resident saw footage of Cuntson
demonstrating the car’s strength on Top Gear. The BBC
apologised and paid the parish council £250 of our fucking
licence money in compensation.

Of course, not content with ramming Toyota’s into trees,
‘Jizza’ upset conservationists by driving a new Land Rover
Discovery up to the top of Ben Tongue mountain in Scotland.

Naturally, he thought it was highly amusing.

But what I truly find despicable about the mop-headed muppet
and his co-presenters on Top Gear is their constant harping on
about speed.

This car does this, this car does that, this is the fastest road car
on the planet.

Etc etc ad fucking nauseum.

And every week they recruit some equally dim-witted celebrity
to drive a car as fast as possible.

What they seemingly fail to realise is that a vast proportion of
the dildos that watch their benighted programme don’t have
access to disused airfields or specially built test tracks.

But they do have access to long straight roads. And fantastically
bendy roads. Roads where you can really floor it mate.

Sadly these very same roads happen to be shared by the rest of us.
Last year 846 drivers, passengers and cyclists aged between 15
and 25 were killed and 7,362 seriously injured.

One of the worst crashes involving speeding by a young motorist
occurred in May 2004 when a car driven at 100 mph by a
19-year-old, skidded and flipped over the central barrier on the
main road from London to Brighton.

The car smashed into another car coming the opposite way.
In total eight people died.

And I’d bet, just before he lost control, the lad though he was The Stig.